I Don't Speak Chinese

So please stop posting in it!

(Also, my parts are the size mother nature intended.)

Berenisms part 347

Things I never thought my six year old would say
"Daddy, will you help me get a wife?"
(I found out later that he meant to acquire one in a video game he and my husband were both playing. It was a game about farming and the farmers have to find wives to help them on their farm if they are to progress to the next level)

Questions, Questions,Questions . . .When he was 3 Beren asked me questions I could answer, like "Why does he grass grow back when we cut it?" and "How come kitty has fur and we don't?" Now that he is 6 I get things like this questions which he laid on me this morning in the car:
"Mom, what is the difference between FedEx Ground, FedEx, and FedEx Kinkos?"

Beren Vocabulary

My intent wasn't for this blog to be exclusively about Beren, but I have no choice but to give you yet another Beren update. He is using words like debris and original (et cetera) correctly in sentences without prompting. I don't even use the word debris. Let alone correctly.

Captain "Beroni" and the Title of Liberty!

Beren was gravely disappointed that he is still not old enough (you have to be 8) to qualify for Eric's company's "Take you child to work" day. To soothe his feelings I told him he could go to work (seminary) with me some morning if he wantd to. He loved the idea, and didn't even mind getting up early.
Natually, I enlisted him for help with the lesson. He was brilliant! It gave me a faint hope that I may someday be watching him perform in plays instead of competing in chess club. (My genes have got to be in there somewhere, right?)
Anyway, here he is in the head-lining role of "Captain Moroni." He acted out the whole story while the class listened to it on a tape.

School Berenisms

The Human Abacus
After 2 weeks of Beren finishing his math homework in under 2 minutes, I suggested to his teacher that he was ready for something a little more challenging.
When confronted with the much larger numbers, Beren looked at me in consternation. "How am I going to solve that?!" he demanded. "The most I can do is 20."
Whereupon he promptly whipped off his socks and planted his bare toes on the lip of the kitchen table, presumably to have all the necessary calculating tools to hand.

The Sins of Others
From our conversation the previous day I knew that Beren wasn't overly fond of the substitute who was covering for his sick teacher. When he came home from school on the second day I asked,
"How was is today?"
"About the same," he responded.
Then after climbing onto my lap for some snuggles,
"She's so . . . . . fierce.
She's fierce and I don't like it. I'm not even the problem. It's the other kids in my class. They're the problem. I'm trying to be part of the solution!"

Dental Dilemma

Beren is experienceing a rite of passage often associated with six year olds of losing your baby teeth. Necessary this may be, but it is also cruel to a young man who only likes corn when it is on the cobb. (Note the rows of missed kernals---tis like a poorly gleaned field!)

Baby Fat Lard

I have recently uncovered this baby pic of myself and have thus proven once and for all the my inclination towards mild chubbiness is genetic and has nothing whatsoever to do with my adult food intake choices.

What am I demanding? Justice? Consistency?

Today at the store, I really needed relief for my sore throat, but I knew I still had to purchase my prescription later, so I thought it would be ok to take just the one, and then buy the box with my purchase. We've all done that before, right? I've seen others do it many times. I've done it myself more than once.

Well, for some reason, I wanted to be extra up front about it so as to not make anybody feel nervous if they happened to see me break into a box I hadn't purchased yet so I asked the lady.

"Would it be ok if I took one of these now and payed for the box with my prescription that you are filling?"

"Yeah, sure, you just need to pay for it now."

OK... First of all, the answer is No, which is the opposite of "yeah, sure". Secondly... consider this, Mrs. checkout lady... Someone comes in to pick up a prescription and hands you an already opened box of lozenges as if to pay for it as well. How would you react in that situation? No reaction at all, perhaps? Certainly you wouldn't hand them over to security or even give them a lecture about what they've done.

Why then, is this situation really that much different? Sometimes I feel like people are running on some kind of script and are otherwise totally incapable of thinking even the simplest things through without a backup script that fits the situation.

You may say, well, she can't condone that, she would be responsible. Would she not also be responsible for turning in a known "thief" when they attempt to purchase goods which they had previously stolen?

OK, so maybe it's not the lady at fault, but the store policy that thwarts honesty and does little to nothing to catch actual law breaking.

Either way, I lose and the people who aren't so considerate win (in addition to those who are actively trying to steal... as if a thief would ask permission first).

Anyway... just wanted to rant about that. Cheers.

Berenisms summer 2009

Mom turns on a CD in the van while family is driving down the road. Beren starts tapping away and humming. A minute later, Dad turns it off.
Mom: Hey! Beren was listening to that!
Beren: It's okay mom. It's not a major crisis.

Sometimes I make Beren remove his shirt if dinner is messy and the probabililty of spills is high. Anticipating the giant pan of red sauce chicken enchiladas, I said, "Beren, you'd better take off all your clothes. Get buck-naked for this one." I was only joking, but when I turned around, Beren was seated at the table in his underwear. His father, eyeing him with amusement, picked up the ball and ran with it. "Son," he admonished, your mom said buck-naked. Why are you still wearing your undies?" Beren, surveying both of us through slitted eyes, balefully replied, "Best I can do."

As part of my new seminary calling, I made a slide show type presentation of photos set to catchy music to introduce myself to the students on the first day. If I was looking for praise from my son, I was sorely disappointed. After viewing the video, he turned to me and inquired, "Are you sure this music is appropriate for church?"

Beren's Summer Activities and a Berenism

Beren has become a business man. When I asked him what he wanted to do this summer he said, "Run a lemonade stand and go camping. (We're camping next weekend). We set up our stand in front of a business near our neighborhood (with permission, of course). We hoped to hail passing cars, but they were all going too fast. Fortunately we did get a good showing from friends who'd I'd sent an annoucement email to. Beren made a little over $20.00 and got to practice his customer service and change-making skills. Next time, I'll let him enjoy the full full experience by teaching him about gross and net. This time, I just didn't have the heart. He was so tickled with his little hoard of cash; kept running around with it and giggling like a maniac.

Beren got to go to a very cool birthday party on Monday for his friend, Madeline. It started with a tour of a fire station and ended with lunch and games at Chucky Cheese's.


Berenism:
It was morning. The child was moving like molasses. I was frustrated:
Mom: Beren, get dressed.
Beren: I keep getting interrupted.
Mom: (exasperated)By yourself!
Beren: Yes. My imagination and brain.
Mom: Well turn it off!
Beren: I can't! I don't know where they hid my off switch!

New Family picture: Ding!

First Berenism, or for that matter, any post at all in a really long time

Beren: Beren no wike it.
Mama: Why are you talking baby talk?
Beren: It's one of my languages.
Mama: Oh . . . how many languages do you speak?
Beren: I don't know. Wait! . . . four.
Mama: What are they?
Beren: Um . . Dogspeak, Meowish, English and baby talk.
(He then proceeded to demonstrate them all--I couldn't really tell how fluent he was, but the cat seemed gratified at least)

BERENISMS

For scripture study in the morning, Beren and I read about Lehi's vision of the tree of life. Beren was so enthralled he wanted to continue learning about it that night at family home evening. Fortunately, I had a folder of cut-outs representing each symbol in the dream. As I laid them on the table, I asked Beren what each one was:
“What is this?”
The iron rod.”
“And this?”
“The river of yucky water.”
“How about this one?” (the great and spacious building)
“Oh! I know that one! That's the “Tower of Mock!”

Beren was at the table writing names of friends on birthday invitations:
“Mama, can you guess who I will choose to do first?”
“Sophie.”
“Yeah! How did you know?”
(a few moments later)
“Who am I gonna do now?”
“Hmmmm . . . Aiden?”
(looking at me with perplexed awe) “It's like there's a little one of you inside my head!”

This morning:
B: “I can't believe we had “Writer's Workshop” yesterday.
M: “Really? On a Monday? It's usually on Wednesday isn't it?
B: “Yeah.”
M: “What did you write about?”
B: “I don't remember.”
M: “You don't remember? It was only yesterday!”
B: (with great patience) “Mama, you know what happens when I go to sleep. It's like my chalkboard gets erased.”

Oh, and You Asked For It

I give you.... noisy chicken!!!!

To commemorate my utter failure at posting to this blog...

Tea Party Cast List

(clockwise from left)
Jamie Bowlsby as "Charlotte Philomena"
Holly Blanchard as "Katherine Henrietta"
Kathy Raymond as "Savannah Abigale"
Elana Nordstrom as "Constance Sophronia"
Becki Brallier as "Mildred Sarah"
Heather Mowrer as "Edwina Winnifred"

A Dream Not Deferred

I have finally fufilled my dream of hosting a Victorian tea party. It took 33 years, but hey, better late than never. For my birthday this year I gathered some dear friends and took the plunge. Special thanks to my mother-in-law, Mary, who was our server (maid) and also the person who made my costume and gifted me with the tea paraphernalia over the years once she found out I wanted to do this. My guests created their own hats at the party (it was glue-gun madness!) and drew Victorian names out of a hat to use during the party. I don't think there was a favorite "tea," but the cheezy-bacon pinwheels definitely took the cake for most beloved savory. The ladies actually called it back out of retirement in the kitchen after we'd moved on to another course! I'll post the recipe for any interested parties. To sum up, it was a ton of work (did I mention redecorating my living room to provide ambiance?)but is was fun. I hope it made a nice memory for everyone who came and it's one more item I can cross off my list of things I want to do before I die.

Cheezy Bacon Pinwheels

1 8oz pkg. cream cheese (softened)
1/8 tsp black pepper
1/2 C cooked, finely chopped bacon (we used real bacon bits)
2 TBS finely chopped onion (green onions good for color)
1/4 C cheddar cheese
1 can Pillsbury refrigerated crescent rolls

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine all ingredients except rolls in a medium-sized bowl. Separate crescent rolls into two rectangles. Spread cream cheese mixture on each rectangle and roll it up like a cinnamon roll, starting at the longest side, and then seal the edge. Cut each roll into 16 slices. Place the slices, cut side down, on a cookie sheet. Bake for 15 minutes or until golden brown. Serve warm. Yield: 32 pinwheels

Berenisms (the pic is from when he was 3; don't panic)

PAINFUL HONESTY
On the way into the house after school I had several bags of groceries in my hands and also the keys. Beren tried to take the keys from me to open the door, but I declined because it takes him forever:
"Thank you Beren, that's very nice of you, but I think I'd rather open it myself."
"I wasn't doing it to be helpful, Mom," he informed me coldly. "I just want to get into the darn house."
"Oh."

CAN I GET A SIDE OF SURGURY WITH THAT?
This morning Beren was playing a game on the computer called "Microbe Combat" which sparked a discussion about diseases and how our body fights them. Eventually, the the topic of vacinations came up.
Mom: So that's why I take you to get shots. To let your body have a chance to develop a weapon against serious illnesses before it has to send its white blood cell soldiers to fight those germs for real."
Beren: Well, I get it, but I don't like shots at all. If you're gonna take me to the doctor, I want surgury. Like when I broke my arm. They let me have a popsickle that night in the hospital. You know, I kind of like medical places!

Brady Marshall Blanchard has arrived!!!

My new nephew is finally here. He is dang good looking (like all us Blanchards)and very strong and alert. His parents think he's a keeper. Baby was 8 lbs 3 oz. and 21.5 inches long. Beren is tickled to have a new cousin. We only do this once every 3 years in my family, so it's a big deal.